In a large bowl, combine all patty ingredients. Gently knead with your hands until just combined; don’t overwork the meat. Divide into 8 loose 3-ounce balls (weigh if possible) and keep chilled.
Heat a large electric or flat-top griddle to hot (400–450°F). While it heats, whisk together all crack sauce ingredients in a small bowl and chill until ready to use.
Place 2 beef balls on the hot surface. Immediately cover each with a square of parchment and smash down firmly using a burger press or heavy spatula until about ¼-inch thin. Hold for 10 seconds to form a crust. Peel off parchment paper and season with a pinch of pepper.
Cook 60-90 sec until the edges are deeply brown and juices bubble through the top. Scrape hard under each patty, using a sharp metal turner, flip, and top with a slice of cheese (see note 1). Cover with a pot lid to melt the cheese (see note 2) and cook 30-45 sec more. Transfer to a plate. If making doubles, stack two patties together while hot.
While the patties cook, butter the buns and toast cut-side down on the cooler side of the griddle until golden.
Spread crack sauce on both bun halves. Layer with lettuce, tomato, a single or double patty, and pickles if using. Serve immediately—these burgers are best hot off the griddle!
Video
Notes
Note 1: If the patty breaks apart when flipping, that’s totally fine. Just press it back together as best you can and add the cheese. The cheese on top helps hold everything in place.Note 2: Covering the patties with a large pot lid while the cheese melts helps it get extra gooey and fully melted.Storage: Store leftover cooked patties in an airtight container in the fridge for up to 3 days. Reheat in a hot skillet. Crack sauce can be refrigerated for up to 5 days. Assemble burgers fresh for best texture.